Saturday, January 17, 2009
we want food!
Way back in August which feels like an eternity now I had my tracheotomy after choking on a bagel, causing me to develop severe pneumonia. the reason I choked was the muscles in my throat responsible for my swallowing are very weak from my disease. Back then it was determined that eating solid food was no longer an option for me. choking was too high a risk and that was a gamble I was not willing to take so I stuck to the puréed diet for the next several months. the food I was able to eat was fairly limited but I made do, I was able to eat things such as ice cream, cream or tomato soup, re fried beans, finely chopped overcooked spaghetti, and my favorite overcooked macaroni and cheese. Overcooking those last two dishes was to make them soft and easy to purée. It wasn't fun not being able to eat a juicy burger or a T-bone steak but at least I could enjoy some food.That was until December 20th when I was hospitalized for my second bout of pneumonia. The doctors determined that the cause for my pneumonia was aspiration caused by eating and drinking so they decided I should not eat anything at all which was a huge disappointment for me. I was denied one of the greatest pleasures in my life and I was devastated. Now I live food free and it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, almost every night I dream about food and in the day I'm tormented by a food imagery in the media. It seems like every time I turn on the TV I am haunted by images of mouthwatering entrées. This is by far the hardest thing I've had to give up besides giving up walking. I never realized how much food was a part of my life until I was denied, now I see what a big part of my life it really was and how much it meant to me. In case you're wondering how I survived without food I get all of my nutrition in liquid form for a feeding tube that goes directly into my stomach. I guess five cans of liquid nutrition a day and that's what keeps me alive. I have been thinking of taking the risk and eating puréed food again but then again I might end up in the hospital once again with pneumonia which is something I'll do anything to avoid.
Posted by mitch'sworld at 1:46 PM